Cute Yoga Girl

I hadn’t seen her before in the previous term and that was five weeks ago. Had skipped a few lessons even after the Lunar New Year break. Continuation of dinners and social gatherings and all.

She looked cute I thought again as she moved into downward dog and the crucifix around her neck hung down toward her chin.

And all I could think of looking at the woman down the line beside her whom I assumed was her mother and the man further down whom I also assume was her father, was how nice that a Catholic family stays together this way and what went wrong with mine. I mean we can’t turn back the clock to hopefully get a better outcome but I feel too much time has passed between in silence to feel natural even simply sitting at a dinner table for perhaps a reunion dinner. That too I silently rejected although the invitation was extended.

Yeah. She was cute.

What I felt on the other hand was that even if I were going to be attracted to her as I easily could a good God-fearing woman, I always felt that I’d never fit into a ‘nice’ family like that. That’s taking into consideration the definite likelihood of extended family as well.

Attending church together on Sundays and days of obligation, attending cousins’ birthday parties, etc. all those family events if you know what I mean.

For one thing, I am not a person who enjoys such gatherings. Can’t even remember when the last time was that I saw the two of MY OWN only cousins I remember… Ah Hock and Ah Soon everyone used to call them. The former was the elder of the two. And I can vaguely remember always being the latter’s test subject for the Judo moves he learnt from who knows where. The family unit kind of disintegrated after my maternal granny passed on and family disagreements reared many an ugly head. Right or wrong, this was the outcome. Disconnect.

Anyway. Back to cute yoga girl. Attraction is bad towards good family-oriented girls like that, and if there was even a chance of it happening, it would be just as terrible if any such girl were to be attracted to me.

“What would I do with a girl like that… and what would a girl like that ever want to do with me” is my overall approach.

Took Me a While

So much has changed for me since I was last here. Some things for better, some, not so much. I don’t even know where to begin. But isn’t it often the case when we take a bit of a longer break than we should. So pardon me if I unintentionally happen to relate something I already have in any previous post.

Obviously getting up to speed with every part of my life isn’t going to be an option in this comeback update, but… I try alright?

In creating the setting for this season of my life, I get to say that I’ve finally taken the ginormous step of, with the help of a friend, getting my own place. So first of all, I’m saying goodbye to rental apartments and rooms. Truly have come a long way.

I mean of course it’s a little later than what a lot of my peers have achieved but I remember reading a quote from some motivational Instagram page that even at some age they plucked out of the air “getting your own place is still a boss move” or something along those lines. So there you go. Sure, that was just a quote but well. Nonetheless, boss me.

But then life, fortunately or not isn’t this single-faceted. Work is alright, though could be more satisfying. More changes up ahead as the contract of tenure with my current employer ends somewhere next week. Fingers crossed.

Nevertheless, will definitely try to continue on the timely up-keeping of this journal through all the upcoming changes. Hopefully the brevity for today will serve a longer running term of this column.

As always, thanks for reading.

2nd Dose Ready

Driving in some heavy morning rain behind the white Toyota with the busted side view mirror still dangling on the left, my mind was on my vaccination tomorrow.

Overall, I feel great that it’s finally going to be done, but a bit of a bummer being that a couple of days or so ago, there was news that booster shots may have to be in order during the Lunar New Year period of 2022 for those who were earlier in line for their jabs, and then of course those of us who followed along later on.

My second jab was supposed to be on the 19th of this month (that Monday chosen mainly because Tuesday is going to be a public holiday and if any side effects kick up, it would be to take the opportunity to be rested) but I’m guessing due to ready supplies and a further push for people to be more quickly fully vaccinated to meet one of the criteria for larger social groups to be allowed of fully jabbed people. 50% if I’m not wrong, and that plan would be able to be implemented.

Well, that’s that then, just have to wait and see how things go tomorrow evening. If I really start to feel unwell then obviously the next best thing would be to go on MC. No one should blame me I think?

Right, anyway, weather being cranky and wet as hell today and constantly already running into idiotic road users on days weather is still fine and dandy, who think,

“O no I don’t think I’m going to need to turn on my headlights! I can see just fine!”

A reminder for such idiocy, that flipping your headlights on is not to help you see better but to make you more visible to other drivers on the road. How else would someone see you in the foamy white rain through the double layer of rain streaked window and side view mirror?

On that note, hopefully better weather tomorrow. Honestly can do without the dodging of the rain non stop from morning till later in the afternoon.

Sleep well everyone.

Here’s Hoping

I was wondering again what to write after my most recent absence and so, maybe just an update.

With the back and forth of measures due to the changes in severity of the pandemic here in Singapore, we are currently in a phase where dining out (considered a higher risk) is finally again permitted and the number of participants for this activity capped at two, the number of participants for other social interactions is back from 2 to 5 per group with appropriate social distancing still mandatory between such groups.

I lie awake at 3:33 in the morning wondering with slightly less confidence that I wish I held about how my workday a few hours later will start out.

Somehow, I don’t feel sleepy. Even after having attended class earlier and doing a bit of cycling on the stationary bike in my room after. Curious. Looks like I fell into a nap about three hours earlier after having done the booking for my intended class this coming Saturday.
No. I don’t feel sleepy… but somehow a little anxious. Yes about the day ahead.
O well, we shall see. I’ve prepared all I possibly can afterall, and the proverbial ball is out of my court.

If there’s one thing I like and am good at involving tasks handed to me (sadly still lacking in the planning of life on the whole), is the paving for such said tasks to be done and done well, and in my simple jobscope of delivering packages to the retail outlets and to customers’ residences and/or business operations, its as simple as being to each on time and ending my day on time as well. If either or both happen not to occur, its a failed mission to me. A job not well done at all.
I may appear demanding to colleagues who have a hand in making such successes/failures happen but that’s just the way things have to be.
Many a time such positive or negative outcomes would fall into a very broad cause of planning. Good or poor. Makes all the difference.
I am afterall just the executer. Fingers crossed, I should get some sleep.

Lazy (again maybe)

This could be the first post of the year. I’m quite sure it is. Is it? I am actually only quite sure I wished everyone a happy new year in the last one, not really remembering if I had written it as a close to the last year on the last day of the last year or the start to this. Or was it an “all the best” for the year ahead to close the last one even? That’s what happens when three months or so pass by in neglected journaling. Sad.

Another thing I wasn’t sure about was when I would ever start posting again, knowing full well that doing so sooner would still be the best way to break this lazy spell. But here I am. Again not being in full recollection of if such an unscheduled break ever took place and if it had in fact or ever will fallen into a more tsk-able spectrum of laziness before or after this ‘triumphant’ break in this cycle.

Well, I’m going to be self-praising all the same and give myself a probably less than deserved “hurray” for such an effort and then crawl back into the hole I emerged to fall back into a confused but hopefully restful sleep for the day ahead tomorrow, hoping that such a disgustingly long break never happens again.

Haha… seriously, that is the hope.

For now… good night.

Last Day Of The Year

Yes. I know I haven’t been writing as much as my mind would like to magically compose up posts directly into this page, and I’m not about to outright make some resolution to write more consistently in the year to come. This year has been unusual.

With the pandemic I think I touched on in previous posts still an issue in the world at large, there has been the frequent use of the term ‘new normal’ everywhere we go. With face masks being mandatory here while at least this precautionary measure still painfully slow to gain traction in many other places in the world, I think there is much to be thankful for being here in Singapore.

Social distancing was definitely a game changer for a lot of us this year as classes, once reopened at the dojo, like many other social events usually so carefree-ly held in previous years all over the island and much of the world, had to be carefully rationed to limit the number of attendees.

Just a few days ago, we moved into phase 3 of the government initiated plan to gradually open up our operability as a nation. Amongst other relaxation in guidelines, a plus in the permissible headcount at social gatherings from five in phase 2 to the current eight.

To bring everything up to speed, I will briefly cover the last few months, that have seen a fair share of changes for me personally as well, mostly job-wise.

I’ve only been in my current job for two months. Before that I was with a company all the way in Woodlands, which was a bummer to travel to and fro almost everyday. Packing in the night shift was tough too, save the additional shift allowance.

Mostly, everything is great. The people in the office are nice and I’ve good support in the role I have as a delivery driver for the place. Cute (in some refreshing ways) colleagues. A relative freedom outdoors as I go about my job. And the most attractive point that the office is just a five minute walk from my place. What more can I ask for?

Wait. Have I used that rhetoric before? I guess my contentment is an evolving part of me. But for now, yes. I’m happy.

That makes me wonder if I’m only happy until I turn out not to be, and also when that will be. I wonder.

Well, 2020 has had many misadventures and misses, but it has ended on an “okay” note, considering my outlook that there’s always someone doing far worse off than I am. So with that, I’m facing 2021 with freshness and renewed strength. Overall, if there were to be a resolution it would be to grow stronger in all my pursuits.

Cheers all. And a happy new year in advance.

First MC of The Year

So I’m on medical leave today. Well, last night.

It’s difficult to keep track of how fast a day goes by as I drift between episodes of waking up thirsty and slightly hungry, then off again into unconsciousness. The last meal I had was the instant noodles I had this afternoon. Felt too drugged and tired to make a food run even just downstairs.

It’s also difficult, I found, to sleep through the night working actively in this night-shift. Kept waking up almost every hour, and that’s when I decide to write this. Lying down, after gulping down an ever so tiny bottle of grape flavored Yakult. Did nothing for thirst, but definitely jolted my tastebuds back in place.

It’s official supposed to be 5 days from Thursday when I removed my tooth, and today, by time, is only Saturday morning, so technically I skipped work on Friday which is reasonable cos the stitches are still rather fresh. I’m not sure if I can be in class later but have to open the dojo as usual no matter so preparing to get out of bed soon. Probably have a bit more for breakfast later.

Was told that I made a few errors on work last night, so may have to be a bit more careful. That’s why this break is kind of a breather.

Right. So even though it’s an official 5-day leave from work, at the moment, I don’t think I can take all the time off due to the contract I’m in which states that in this early stage of employment, my absence from work, even officially, is unpaid. With that, I’ll likely be working through the weekend, which is today and tomorrow.

What did I tell you. Time is being really hard to track.

It’s the weekend already? Yup. It is.

Be well everyone.

Nose-trails

Half of my nose void of any feeling and seemingly slightly stuffy, i inhaled deeply, suspicious to try to see if any mucus was dripping off from my left nostril.

‘Nosetrail’ she used to say. But i knew that she knew what it was supposed to be. I kind of miss her but then yeah.

Still Unable to be really sure I wasn’t leaking anything unknowingly, I pinched the tip of my nose through the mask with my fingers to check if anything had seeped through.

Nope. All dry. I was safe.

Not sure if it was the anaesthesia or sheer tiredness that dealt me, but as soon as I got home and laid down on my bed, keys still in my pocket, I nodded off into the realm of dreamlessness. When I awoke again, I felt lucky that i had taken a chosen to first go home, get myself showered and then made my way out again to the clinic.

It had rained a little earlier on on my way out from work and my insoles were squishing something nasty. Secretly hoping as I avoided puddles across the street and streams racing downward as our trio made our way up the hill toward the train station in the still darkness of dawn, that there would be a chance to get some strong sun on them later on in the day.

I also felt peckish. Naturally.

The packet of sushi I had gotten a couple of units down from the dental clinic was then a lifesaver.

Tiny packet of soya sauce, tiny packet of wasabi. In my grogginess, still simply heaven.

I had given up on biting the cotton ball as soon as I reached home in the first place, always confident that I heal pretty quickly, I never had to go to a second piece of it the clinic had prepared for me just in case. Wonderful.

The dentist’s again. I had split my tooth this time. Right down the middle and had a sliver of tooth wagging off the side of my gum, running the tip of my tongue up and down the split line as if to analyse the damaged part every few seconds. I was rather impressed with the dentist’s skill when he, at first glance of the situation, informing me that an extraction was definitely needed but that he would pull first the dangling sliver out without any local anaesthetics. That before sending me over to get an X-ray done.

Didn’t need to think twice about getting the procedure done there and then and after all the drilling and yanking and cracking away, I was stitched up rather nicely, my tongue running over the area now, feeling the meshy patch of strings, scheduled for removal in a week’s time, holding the wound together.

I’m stuck taking 2 types of antibiotics and an anti-inflammatory pill. I look at the pill packets with the “To complete course” indication, nicely circled in emphasis by the nurse as well.

“Do I have to?” I shrug to myself.

Till next Thursday then.

More To Life

“There must be more to life than this.”

I think as I look at the man, a little past his middle-aged self, laptop bag slung to his waist cargo pants, likely company issue, blue checked short sleeves, thinning hair, creamed and combed back neatly in a manageable enough do, gazing out of the train window.

Very likely on his to work, I think to myself, while I inversely, am on my way home from. We get off at the same train interchange and he decides to take the stairs while I, noticing the sparse crowd on this public holiday morning, decide to ride the escalator for a change.

At the back of my mind, wondering if ever there will be an end to all this. Or if there will come a time that won’t matter if or not there is. Just rolling with life till the end of it.

I ended up not having the brown/purple rice roll that I thought for the whole night of getting for breakfast.

Too expensive, I finally felt, making an ever so last-minute detour for a sit-in at the little cafeteria at the entrance of the station just a store away, for some fried beehoon instead. Given the place, the rather overcooked accompaniment of Taiwan sausage I had chosen was somewhat acceptable.

Saved me almost half of what I would’ve spent if i had tended to my now only slightly suppressed craving.

But the sausage… poor sausage.

Well, you win some, you lose some right?

Worth not indulging every now and then.

Maybe tomorrow.

I steal a second whiff of the passing air reminds me of newly tailored garments, I imagine, ironed to a clean crisp and fabric partially glued before laying permanent stitches in.

Almost home.

Well. ‘Home’ I guess. Again. For now.

Happy National Day!

Looking out the window across very rare openness of field in this “land-scarce” place I call home, just before the bus takes a turn out from the expressway, I catch the orangey splotches of sunrise diffused through the thinness of the stringy clouds and I start to miss traveling.

Sometimes I open the Radio Garden app on my iPhone and tune in to global radio stations. Recently and even a lot of the time before, it’s Japan. Just the other night it was Sakata. I put my earphones in and all at once I’m in another part of the world.

The air is probably dry and cold outside on quiet night and I’ll definitely need to put on a jacket when I leave the workplace in a few hours. Yup, even with the much helpful thermal wear. Street lamps dimly light the features of a nearby children’s playground with their orange glows and occasionally, a wind just blows. Chilly really. So I’m glad to be indoors.

Sometimes I like to pretend back to a time when bulky luggage-pulling and tired feet were the only bothers of the time, making a much unwanted way back to a hostel or air BNB apartment.

Then a sharp ray of sun flashes me from behind the food centre and reminds me that all that can still happen as long as we remain hopeful. Even in a time like this.

So even though I still long sometimes to be somewhere else in the world, I’m largely thankful for being safely here.

Happy 55th birthday, Singapore 😉